2 Tropes in Yuri That I'm Sick of: Masculine Tops & Married Women

I wish I could say that every time a new book featuring a lesbian couple is released, I’m eager to purchase it immediately and devour it. Unfortunately, the countless unsatisfying lesbian stories I’ve read have left me pessimistic about reading any highly recommended new ones. So much attention is focused on creating BL (“boy love”) or yaoi (manga with two male love interests), but meanwhile, GL (“girl love”) or yuri (manga with two female love interests) has been merely an afterthought for many comic creators. Novel writers are also guilty of falling into common tropes and stereotypes that can absolutely weaken a lesbian romance. In a society where these stories are already not easy to come by, I know that beggars can’t exactly be choosers. However, there are two common lesbian story tropes that are absolute deal breakers for me: married women and hyper-masculine ‘tops.’

Masculine ‘Tops’

Before I get started, let me clarify something. I love lesbians who present more masculine and I mean I LOVE them. The problem is not with how these characters are presented in stories, but rather with the sense of a strictly ‘top’ or nothing attitude and behavior that reflects the way a man may love a woman rather than how a woman loves a woman. That behavior is rooted in harmful stereotypes with masculine tops being caught cheating, being entirely dominant, and even going as far as saying derogatory sexist comments toward their feminine counterparts. To make matters worse, when the couple is interracial, the darker-skinned woman usually plays the masculine role which further perpetuates the stereotypes of BIPOC women as being manly and dominant.

I refuse to equate the idea of being masculine with being a top. However, that’s just what most lesbian series do. This results in the denial of pleasure for these characters as they are portrayed as being primarily a tool of pleasure for the feminine character. The feminine character also rarely expresses interest in actually wanting their partner to be sexually satisfied and is content with only receiving. A dynamic such as this does not allow the separation of gender expression from stereotypical roles in the bedroom. Humans are much more complex than this, and dare I say, especially queers as there is definitely much more freedom and flexibility for a variety of sexual plays and dynamics when being intimate. Frankly, I’m tired of not seeing these masculine-presenting characters find sexual satisfaction and it leaves me frustrated by the strict boundaries we still find ourselves in.

While admittedly this trope is more often seen in film, there is still a myriad of books and manga that are guilty of falling into the stereotype of one femme (feminine) character and one masc (masculine) character. It continues to perpetuate the belief that a relationship is only valid if one character takes on a ‘male’ role. In a society where more and more people are beginning to openly express a diverse range of gender expressions, this concept is simply outdated. Of course, if the masculine character is nonbinary, more comfortable in ‘men’s’ clothes, or transgender, this type of dynamic would be understandable. However, without that backstory, ‘top only’ masculine lesbian characters feel flat and too stereotypical for me to take the story seriously.

Married Women

While this feels like a no-brainer for a number of reasons, I still find lots of manga and novels introducing a lesbian story with some form of adultery. Whether it’s in the form of a married woman sick of her mundane life and absent husband or a young girl about to break up with her under-performing clueless boyfriend, the concept of a woman cheating on her male partner with another woman is a starting point for a lesbian story is weak and harmful. This trope is detrimental to the lesbian community as it makes the lesbian experience feel more experimental and morally questionable and appears as a bandaid for stereotypical heterosexual relationship problems.

There are far too many queers who have been toyed with at the expense of someone else’s experimentation as they try to discover themselves. To continue to portray it in the media normalizes the idea of using queer people for those who are questioning their sexuality. All too often, queer characters’ emotions are disregarded in media, being portrayed as a side characters with no depth besides offering the occasional witty remark and lots of sass. We have depth and emotions that must absolutely not be disregarded or disrespected, especially for the sake of someone who may not even choose you in the end. On top of that, there is nothing worse than waiting for someone to figure out if they actually like you or if they are just in the mood to play around while your feelings only continue to deepen.

This type of sexual discovery that happens at the expense of another character paints sexual exploration in a negative light as there are so many other questionable morals being challenged at the same time. It aligns the decision to cheat on a partner with the act of lesbianism. Let’s not continue to give protestors at Pride more reason to say what we are doing is “wrong” or a “sin” when we are really just trying to love someone. What is truly questionable is these married or taken characters’ inability to communicate their needs in a relationship or to end it when they have mentally checked out already. Red flag anyone? The concept of using a queer person to heal your heterosexual trauma and dissatisfaction is entirely unappealing. That’s what therapy is for, sweetie.

The question, “Am I really gay or am I doing this to get back at my devoid husband and the lack of pleasure I feel in the bedroom?” is always brought up in these stories as well. While I respect everyone in their journey as they find themselves and explore their sexuality, I’d also like to see a story with two characters who are firm in their sexual orientation and are just ready to love without question. I believe there are much more interesting and relatable problems or dynamics that lesbians face that can build sexual tension and still have that flaming hot slow burn that all romances should have (in my opinion).

A few other aspects of yuri that I’ve seen that are unappealing are things like high school settings, huge age gaps, and the occasional step sister or distant relative love interest (don’t get me started). It is harmful to young queer people to only be exposed to gay content that has these elements. It creates unrealistic expectations and possibly a sense of hopelessness at ever finding love outside of these circumstances. I believe there are ways to write accurate and engaging lesbian stories without these common tropes or stereotypes. While writing compelling love stories is difficult enough as it is, avoiding these tropes is not as difficult as it may seem. A closer look at real lesbians and the dynamics of their relationships is necessary to create more accurate and relatable characters. This in combination with more stories by actual queer writers and artists created with queers as its intended audience rather than straight males is essential.

What about you? What are some common tropes in gay literature or film that you are just sick of seeing? What are some common themes that you absolutely love?

Article edited by Lindsey Huddleston.